its magic

I know magic is real. I feel it inside of me. It makes me happy. Haha(: Its always nice to have something to believe in. I believe in people; but i always get let down with that one, so why try anymore. ha.
I got a new pair of shorts today. But then I got a let down with the news that we all of a sudden can't afford to have fun, aka. Knots Berry Farm. That is a major bummer. But whatever. Beach is still fine with me.(: I am overly full right now, I had too much to eat. I need to stop eating as much as I do. It's terrible. That's my plan for when I get home. But we all know that never happens. Well anyway I am tired, and I want sleep but that isn't going to happen. But I really have nothing to blog about so why keep doing it?

this is just crap

Fuck. Of coarse my mom had to get here and mess up all the fun. Right away she has to bitch me out about something. And now that she is here I won't be driving anywhere. Isn't that just wonderful? She just thinks I am horrible at everything. God I am tired of her shit and she just got here. It's just awesome. And all she is doing is going around and crying about everything. And she just acts like she knows everything. It is fucking annoying. She needs to just stop. My Dad and I called this; we knew she was going to get here and start bitch. And look what she did. My fkking god. I am pissed, I have been happy and not fighting with anyone. Everything has been so care free. But not anymmore. It's bitch time. And she thinks that just because she is in the other room, she thinks that I can't hear her.
Sorry I needed to vent the end disregard this.
Any way I need to decide on something; I have three choices and I just don't know. Bleh. I am tired of thinking.

"Why don't we get behind a rock; and get a little bolder"

like angles on the moon

Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I can't stand the sound.

Okay, so today was kinda killer. In a good way. It was relaxing. We went to Glendora to see my Dad's old stomping grounds, and that was really cool. Very personal, he showed me his old schools, house, businesses, etc. Then we went to this house of his old friend and it was freaky. His 15 and 1/2 year old daughter is named brittany, she has boobs like mine, and we act the same. The friend had twins almost 13 like my brother just younger and they were both boys. But kinda like my brother and sister 100% different from each other. Just freaking weird. So Brittany and I exchange numbers. I just think that is all cool.
Another cool little fact about my Dad is he knows the inventor of In and Out. His old auto shop was next the the original In and Out and him and the owner would get drunk at the shop. I don't know i just find that really cool. very interesting, very fun. I wish I was born in Glendora, Ca. It really is beautiful. And just so enriched in culture. I don't know. But then it was really depressing; we are driving and pass by a grave yard and my Dad goes' "And that is where a lot of my friends are; my class had the highest suicide rate, my best friend; who looked like my twin; shot himself at 15."
That was really sad he knows so many people that he grew up with that are resting there. And he tells me to bury him there, next to all of his friends. I don't know that was just kinda like a tear jerker to me. And then he tells me all the places he smoked dope haha.
Then we went to the Angles vs. Mariners game. Angles lostt; But we sat by one of the kindest person I've met. He asked me how I was doing; cause my Dad told him about Grandpa; seeing if i was okay. I don't it was like one of those little acts of kindness that just make you smile from ear to ear. Then there was an amazing fire work show. Even better than the 4th in show low, But that is not saying much.
SO today was great. And the rest of the family will be here tomorrow:P. I don't want them to come, I want to go home. But we're going to the beach and Knots so I can't complain. I just miss people I guess.


"Not all who wander are lost"

welll..

it ended, he is gone. I woke up this morning to my dad crying saying he stopped breathing he is gone. I couldn't go in there to say goodbye. what is the point it was just his left over shell? So i said goodbye to the spirit. Rest in peace grandpa. I love you and always will. You impacted my more than anyone ever can. I am glad that your soul is with Grandma and Little Alfred. I love you all, see you when my time ends.
And I am okay, is it wrong to feel okay? I don't know it was what he wanted. He was hurting, and missing Grandma. He asked to go begged pleaded you could say. So it is for the better.
March 8, 1923- May 28, 2009

"life is a bitch; because if it was a slut it would be easy"

i find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad.

I think it is crazy how people walk in and out of life, like it blows my mind. Alexis has been my best friend and now I hardly talk to her. It really depresses me. Or people say how they are my best friend and then don't even make an attempt to be friends, I find it crazy. It's like they don't like the person I am, like "drama kid" or not smoking weeed or whatever. It really irritates me how that happens. I really am the same person that I have always been. Bleh I really need some eye liner still. I don't know.
I guess i feel more confident with it on? Is that terrible. I don't care, I care about looks, I care about what people think of me, and i am punished by it everyday. Lame lame.
Today was good but terrible at the same time. I had a lot of fun with my sisters, I just got so frustrated in finding a bathing suit. It is so hard when you have big boobs, nothing cute comes in your size so you have to settle, and even then i don't have the body to pull it off so i feel like a jack ass coming out of the dressing room to where people can see my chunky white body. I even think i got laughed at once, so that led to a breakdown, which I got made fun of for, yeah but i still had a lot of laughs and i found one that i kinda liked and it was 10 bucks so i bought it. And I got two really cute shirts, and a wallet all on my dad's dime so that made it better. Dinner sucked though haha, so mine was free? I don't know.
But back to the subject of people just coming in and out of my life. like someone is there for you then the next minute they are stabbing you in the back? But i guess that just makes room for even better people to enter! I don't know.
I just miss home and it is making me feel empty, I miss my mommy a lot. And friend and more than friend friends, which I still need to talk to Kara about, but she is busy at Tierra's so I just will talk to her some other time. But soon I hope, I didn't get to tell her about my fun night at the lake. Haha speaking of lakes, I thought about driving into one today, NOT like in the kill myself way, in the way of I wonder what would the fish think. haha. I don't know, I get bored driving then I almost run into things because I am thinking of fish.
My grandpa keeps asking to go to my grandma and he is in a lot of pain so is it wrong to want him to go? Like he wants to go, what is there left in life for him, to lay in a bed being in pain and helpless? That isn't life that is torture. And all these people are like I am sorry, there is nothing to be sorry about it is life, for the better. He led a good life, impacted many people, and well watched a lot of porn.
haha that reminds me. Eric V thinks my sister is a porn star. baha. See we have some good fun as a family.
Friggin i miss em. being all sweet and stuff.
I love playing mario party, that shit keeps me busy, Imma put it back on later and play alllll night.

"that the dreams i'm reallly dying are the best I've ever had"

california

Is getting old

alright

SO i am at the airport. And my flight is delayed. Lame. haha.
I have to wait till 430 to leave. whoopy.
My aunt is with us and man is she friggin crazy!!! I don't know how I am going to stand her. I think I may make the best of it.
I am going to be gone for like 2 weeks or something, and that is a long time! I am going to miss everyone but atleast i have connection to like outside world.! I need to get my i pod out of my bag. haha, but i am kinda too lazy. Bleh. I am not excited. Haha i love my daddy. I really do. and last night was hella confusing


and i am going to die. fuck fuck.



bahaha.


"life is wonderful that your in the world"

holy cow!

This night is confusing as fuck.
bleh i love boys, I need to talk to kara.
i love life.
I am leaving to go to cali tomorrow):
bleh love it.\
But i don't, i really don't know what i am feeling right now.
i need to talk to kara!!! fuck me,.



oh did i mention that my first day of summer was spent well and i am going to have to try hard to top it.:P:D?

"I like to do hand stands with you"

summer.

Is finally here! I had a wicked night last night, and confused on tonight, what will happen.
I love Kara and Heather. Imma miss the graduates. It will be weird not seeing them.
I just want to fly away. I want my emotions to disapear. Like for real. I am tired of being judged.
My Goal for the summer will be to make new friends, stay close with old friends, some comm. service, LOVE!
peace.


"Little acts of kindness can add up to a lifetime of happiness."

fuck fuck fuck

i hate this feeling. The feeling that no one wants you. They've moved onto bigger and better things, and left you behind sitting in the dust. I hate not having a best friend that is all mine. i know that sounds reallly like bad but it is true. I hate not having a boy to hold hands with to walk down the halls in or in the store. I hate that i am not included. I hate this feeling.
Fuck?
Bleh I am pessimistic.
disregard this. I don't know what is wrong.

"I'd rather see the world in a different angle."

family!

They are comforting, and I love babies.
This weekend really was amazing.
Oh and to all the dicks in the world.
"suck it"
(:
and I am proud of my sissies:D

messy buns and eye liner.

Ha, that is my random title! Because I love messy buns, and I need some eye liner!
Wtf? Friggin what do you say when someone tells you they messed things up with you? I didn't even know anything was going on?!?!?
Ahh. Text me back that is my thought at the moment?


Okay well, my sisters got pinned today that was really special. I am so proud of my sissies.

oh and again WTF

tomorrow will be one of the shittiest days ever, but i will go through it and know someone is there to comfort me when I get back.

"love is a battle feild"

I will live.

He will live. He is ready to live. He is talking about the nurses touching his penis:P. Same old Grandpa, going to kick the cancer ass.

"you are so beautiful to me"

street lights; people.

So I almost just got peeed on by Dylan?

They gave my Grandpa maybe 3 months.):
Fuck.
I am not happy, I am upset. Fuck.

Oh and I am going to cut a bitch, I am not fucking kidding.
But I don't want to talk about it.

I need detention.

"and the home of the brave"

where did my personality go?

It is missing, tell me if you find it.
So now my grandpa is in the hospital, and may have cancer? Oh and is having kidney failure? Wtf wtf wtf!! I don't get this, and I am not even going to try. How could this happen. But he will be okay, I am positive. I know he will be okay.
I am tired of today, I am tired of this week, I am tired of being a depressing person that everyone is asking am I okay. Or oh I am so sorry. But whatever atleast people care about me? Notice me? AHh.
I hate the feeling of being helpless.

I just need a sholder to cry on just for one night, lay there and cry. Kara where are you? Okay no more depressing blog. I can be okay right?

I shaved my legs, and they are really soft. I am proud of it. Another thing I am proud of. My sisters. They are graduating college on Saturday! They will be RN's. That is amazing to me, one sister raised a kid, supported her family, and went to school full time. The other is 21. She stuck to it while holding down a full time job, and with her life. I am just so proud.
Also, my little brother and sister are promoting next Thursday! That is awesome too. They are amazing people. Ha, I am the only one not graduating other than my older brother, I think it is funny.

Can you suck dick and swollow if you are a vegitarian conversation made my friggin day! Oh and spitting on hair(and i still feel so bad) was sooooo funny. I had a good day after this morning. I really shouldn't complain so much.

I feel terrible though I poor my guts out to people, it must annoy them. I must not annoy. I need a new bathing suit! Well a top atleast. Stupid friggin boobs!! STOP GROWING! And I ain't coming to your party. (:
Slowing parts of me are coming back. Like my smile. I smiled today! A real smile. Awesome.

"I wanna hold your hand"

frog princee.

I loved that play. I had alot of fun, and was a dork. bahaha.

I love this, plays are fun. I miss mine.

Princess Peppy. bahaha.

Summer is less than two weeks away, I really really can't wait till then. I love summer! I love the friends in summer, I love the beach, I love Cali, I love swimming, I love baseball, I love freedom, I love family, I love the smell. Wow, I just love summer!

I have a Funeral Friday, that is really sad. I am not ready to see a little coffin. Fuck. It is just depressing. But I need the closeer I need to say good bye. I will always remember and love that little lady.

"Be a friend lend a hand always be a knight"

i just want back in your head.

Wow. I still can't get it off my mind. Can't stop tearing up. Fuck!!!!

Okay, so I love my mother. She really is awesome, and I know that she really loves me. I know that sounds super dooper lame, but it is friggin true.(: Tomorrow will be kinda fun? NOT! I don't know what imma do. Nothing most likely. GAH. Dinner was kinda awesome. Yeah. I am just in a boring mood. bahaha. sorry. Done blogging. The end.


Oh wait, i want to read. But need a new book. Gotta ask haylee for that one.
Okay now my lameness is over.

“Where there is a sea there are pirates”
-bahaha i donno its a pirate quote?

lexi.

I will always love you baby, and i miss you.
Rest in Peace honey and make heaven even more beautiful.


What kind of parent can take the life of a 4 year old. Well her fuck head dad did, that is who. On May 8th her dad shot her then turned the gun on himself taking the fucking easy way out of life. Fuck him she was so smart and so beautiful. She was going to be 5 and start school, have her first kiss, first love, heartbreak, marriage, children, growing old, and he stole that from her with a bullet. What has life came to? How can someone do that. Yeah he may have been drunk but why give the bastard the fucking excuse? She was like my little fucking sister. We helped raise her. The last time I saw her face was halloween. She was so happy in her tiger outfit that i wore when i was her age. I don't know what to do? I am so helpless. I am so broken. I am so shocked. I don't even think that the pain has even set in yet. I send my love to her mom, she ran to the neighbor to call 911 after he tried to kill her. Leaving her daughter because she thought he wouldn't hurt her, if she grabbed her, they both would have died. Ron the ass hole took lexi to his mom's house and shot her. What the Fuck. I hate life right now. I fucking don't know what to say anymore. All I can say is i love that beautiful little girl and trust me i will never forget her. I want to prevent this from happening to little children. I want to do something. I love you Alexis Hancock.

"Remembrance is a golden chain
Death tries to break,
but all in vain.
To have, to love, and then to part
Is the greatest sorrow of one's heart.
The years may wipe out many things
But some they wipe out never.
Like memories of those happy times
When we were all together."

captin my captin

Well there is about two weeks of school left, scary but awesome! I am worrying about my grade in science:P. Steve-o is on teevee about being an addict? Now who didn't know that one? Any way brothers baseball practice is here today, oh joy? I don't know had a pretty awesome day! Awesome.

“The highest result of education is tolerance.”

I love oxymorons

open secret	larger half	clearly confused
act naturally	alone together	Hell's Angels
found missing	liquid gas	civil engineer
deafening silence	seriously funny	living dead
Microsoft Works	military intelligence	jumbo shrimp
Advanced BASIC	tragic comedy	unbiased opinion
virtual reality	definite maybe	original copies
pretty ugly	same difference	plastic glasses
almost exactly	constant variable	even odds
minor crisis	extinct life	genuine imitation
exact estimate	only choice	freezer burn
free love	working holiday	rolling stone

Great Depression	free trade	peacekeeper missile
sweet tart	crash landing	now then
butt head	sweet sorrow	student teacher
silent scream	taped live	alone together
good grief	tight slacks	living dead
near miss	light tanks	old news
hot chilli	criminal justice	peace force

figgin:P

I hate being home sick. It is so boring, the only thing that is good is I get to sleep in. But I can't go anywhere all day, even if it is just bad allergies.:P Fuck me.

hair and I's awesome story! (mostly hair)

Britni says:
a girl named bridget and how bored she was ha
mikey says:
hmmm, good start
mikey says:
then you add something to spice her life
mikey says:
add a dash of romance
mikey says:
and write about a time traveler
mikey says:
he's handsome
mikey says:
and has come back because they met in the future and he wanted more time with her
Britni says:
haha oh really
mikey says:
:) he has, and because he messed things up tih her in the future
mikey says:
and she left him
mikey says:
so he devoted his time, his life to finding a way to get her back
Britni says:
haha
mikey says:
so he makes a time machine and goes back two years before they met
Britni says:
then they got a pet dinosaur and yeah
mikey says:
hahaha, if you so wished
mikey says:
if i were you i would name is fluffy
mikey says:
it*
mikey says:
for irony's sake
Britni says:
alright then what happened
mikey says:
well he goes back
mikey says:
and he's completely straight with her
mikey says:
telling her how he messed up and how much he loves her and what he did
mikey says:
and it freaks her out
mikey says:
and she thinks he's a crazy stalker type
Britni says:
haha okay
mikey says:
so then he goes back again
mikey says:
and this time, he doesn't tell her
Britni says:
mhum
mikey says:
he doesn't use words to convince her of his love
mikey says:
he uses actions
Britni says:
oh:O
mikey says:
and of course his previous knowledge
mikey says:
he knows what she likes
mikey says:
so this time he can do nothing wrong
Britni says:
i see!
mikey says:
and so after many years of wooing her and what not
mikey says:
they are completely in love
mikey says:
so he figures it's safe to tell her
mikey says:
she freaks again and thinks that she was manipulated into loving this creepy guy
Britni says:
how daD:
mikey says:
he's more than devastated
Britni says:
sad
mikey says:
he re works his time machine device and rigs it to explode
mikey says:
with the full intention of killing himself
mikey says:
when it detonates
Britni says:
:O!
mikey says:
it actually throws him back to his time, but destroys the machine
Britni says:
shit
mikey says:
he's still suicidal and depressed
Britni says:
mhum
mikey says:
but one day, out of desperation, he decides to find and talk to his long lost lover, and it's now been many years since the initial break up thing
mikey says:
he finds her, at the place they first met
mikey says:
in a park, sitting on a bench
mikey says:
he sits down next to her, and confesses all he did
mikey says:
she listens silently
mikey says:
and when he's down she doesn't say anything
mikey says:
he doesn't know what to do or think, so he gets up
mikey says:
walks away
Britni says:
ahhh
Mikey says:
he gets about 15 paces when there's a tug at his arm, it's her, she has tears in her eyes, but a familiar fierce look, she needs not tell him anything, they understand each other perfectly. she understands that everything he did, it proved that he loved her more than life itself, and he understands that she forgives him. the story ends with a kiss. it's the perfect kiss, sweet, but passionate, innocent, but fiery.

where did the time go?

Well i wish i was a good writer because i feel like writing a story, here it goes.
Nevermind that didn't go so welll. bahaha. Anyway today was awesome. I got this really cool water bottle that I am really excited about haha. I had lunch with Kara Levi Heather and Hair. That was really cool, poor Hair though, he had to ride in the back of the truck. He looked like he was having fun though. Then after school listened to Cassidy bitched how our play sucked, that was fun. But whatever she has her own opinion. I think i did terribly on my map of the world test. Yay for cheating. I really hate cheating, I just need to start studing. Learn from your mistakes, I think yes! So new rule in life study! Well that kinda has always been a rule, I just need to start obeying it. But other than that today was really awesome, I have a much better out look on life latley. I am just happy a lot of the time.
So i decided that if I could have any power in the entire world it would be to read minds. I am always wondering what people are thinking and then I could just read their mind, yeah it may cause some heart break and you know the privacy of others will be abused but I think it could be fun. Ha it could really mess with the mood. You start doing this dude and like all he is thinking about is like cars or something. But still it could be a lot of fun. I don't know why I always want to know what people are thinking, it just always is like omg what are they thinking. Haha
I hate driving though. I need to learn to drive between the lines, not on the white one:S I kept getting yelled at.
Also,
RIP MR. TURKEY!!!!
Friggin dumb brother has to go and kill poor animals. Fuck it makes me so sad. I started bawling last night because of it. I just hate it. Well i am done for the day:D

“They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

three little birds.

Wow, the play is over. I thought I would be overwhelmingly happy for this, but it is really sad): I love my cast. Last night was fun, I am really tired though:P. I just had a great time though.
I really love just going through pictures, it is super fun.:D I am tired, baha i will blog later


-“Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be.”

feeeeet:D

^^He is a bad ass^^
I am deciding not to wear shoes anymore. Cause my feet don't hurt as bad. So I have been having some pretty awesome times!
-Free food
-Learning Guitar YAY HAIR!!!
-Hanging with friends.


I am really going to miss my cast):

haha okay I am done(: