i find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad.

I think it is crazy how people walk in and out of life, like it blows my mind. Alexis has been my best friend and now I hardly talk to her. It really depresses me. Or people say how they are my best friend and then don't even make an attempt to be friends, I find it crazy. It's like they don't like the person I am, like "drama kid" or not smoking weeed or whatever. It really irritates me how that happens. I really am the same person that I have always been. Bleh I really need some eye liner still. I don't know.
I guess i feel more confident with it on? Is that terrible. I don't care, I care about looks, I care about what people think of me, and i am punished by it everyday. Lame lame.
Today was good but terrible at the same time. I had a lot of fun with my sisters, I just got so frustrated in finding a bathing suit. It is so hard when you have big boobs, nothing cute comes in your size so you have to settle, and even then i don't have the body to pull it off so i feel like a jack ass coming out of the dressing room to where people can see my chunky white body. I even think i got laughed at once, so that led to a breakdown, which I got made fun of for, yeah but i still had a lot of laughs and i found one that i kinda liked and it was 10 bucks so i bought it. And I got two really cute shirts, and a wallet all on my dad's dime so that made it better. Dinner sucked though haha, so mine was free? I don't know.
But back to the subject of people just coming in and out of my life. like someone is there for you then the next minute they are stabbing you in the back? But i guess that just makes room for even better people to enter! I don't know.
I just miss home and it is making me feel empty, I miss my mommy a lot. And friend and more than friend friends, which I still need to talk to Kara about, but she is busy at Tierra's so I just will talk to her some other time. But soon I hope, I didn't get to tell her about my fun night at the lake. Haha speaking of lakes, I thought about driving into one today, NOT like in the kill myself way, in the way of I wonder what would the fish think. haha. I don't know, I get bored driving then I almost run into things because I am thinking of fish.
My grandpa keeps asking to go to my grandma and he is in a lot of pain so is it wrong to want him to go? Like he wants to go, what is there left in life for him, to lay in a bed being in pain and helpless? That isn't life that is torture. And all these people are like I am sorry, there is nothing to be sorry about it is life, for the better. He led a good life, impacted many people, and well watched a lot of porn.
haha that reminds me. Eric V thinks my sister is a porn star. baha. See we have some good fun as a family.
Friggin i miss em. being all sweet and stuff.
I love playing mario party, that shit keeps me busy, Imma put it back on later and play alllll night.

"that the dreams i'm reallly dying are the best I've ever had"