Gandhi

Truth
Gandhi dedicated his life to the wider purpose of discovering truth, or Satya. He tried to achieve this by learning from his own mistakes and conducting experiments on himself. He called his autobiography The Story of My Experiments with Truth.
Gandhi stated that the most important battle to fight was overcoming his own demons, fears, and insecurities. Gandhi summarized his beliefs first when he said "God is Truth". He would later change this statement to "Truth is God". Thus, Satya (Truth) in Gandhi's philosophy is "God".
Nonviolence
Although Mahatama Gandhi was not the originator of the principle of non-violence, he was the first to apply it in the political field on a huge scale.[56] The concept of nonviolence (ahimsa) and nonresistance has a long history in Indian religious thought and has had many revivals in Hindu, Buddhist, Jain, Jewish and Christian contexts. Gandhi explains his philosophy and way of life in his autobiography The Story of My Experiments with Truth. He was quoted as saying:
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always."
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
"There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for."
In applying these principles, Gandhi did not balk from taking them to their most logical extremes in envisioning a world where even government, police and armies were nonviolent. The quotations below are from the book "For Pacifists."[57]
The science of war leads one to dictatorship, pure and simple. The science of non-violence alone can lead one to pure democracy...Power based on love is thousand times more effective and permanent than power derived from fear of punishment....It is a blasphemy to say non-violence can be practiced only by individuals and never by nations which are composed of individuals...The nearest approach to purest anarchy would be a democracy based on non-violence...A society organized and run on the basis of complete non-violence would be the purest anarchy
I have conceded that even in a non-violent state a police force may be necessary...Police ranks will be composed of believers in non-violence. The people will instinctively render them every help and through mutual cooperation they will easily deal with the ever decreasing disturbances...Violent quarrels between labor and capital and strikes will be few and far between in a non-violent state because the influence of the non-violent majority will be great as to respect the principle elements in society. Similarly, there will be no room for communal disturbances....
A non-violent army acts unlike armed men, as well in times of peace as in times of disturbances. Theirs will be the duty of bringing warring communities together, carrying peace propaganda, engaging in activities that would bring and keep them in touch with every single person in their parish or division. Such an army should be ready to cope with any emergency, and in order to still the frenzy of mobs should risk their lives in numbers sufficient for that purpose. ...Satyagraha (truth-force) brigades can be organized in every village and every block of buildings in the cities. [If the non-violent society is attacked from without] there are two ways open to non-violence. To yield possession, but non-cooperate with the aggressor...prefer death to submission. The second way would be non-violent resistance by the people who have been trained in the non-violent way...The unexpected spectacle of endless rows upon rows of men and women simply dying rather than surrender to the will of an aggressor must ultimately melt him and his soldiery...A nation or group which has made non-violence its final policy cannot be subjected to slavery even by the atom bomb.... The level of non-violence in that nation, if that even happily comes to pass, will naturally have risen so high as to command universal respect.
In accordance with these views, in 1940, when invasion of the British Isles by Nazi Germany looked imminent, Gandhi offered the following advice to the British people (Non-Violence in Peace and War):[58]
"I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions...If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes, you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman, and child, to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them."
In a post-war interview in 1946, he offered a view at an even further extreme:
"Hitler," Gandhi said, "killed five million Jews. It is the greatest crime of our time. But the Jews should have offered themselves to the butcher’s knife. They should have thrown themselves into the sea from cliffs… It would have aroused the world and the people of Germany… As it is they succumbed anyway in their millions."[59]
However, Gandhi was aware that this level of nonviolence required incredible faith and courage, which he realized not everyone possessed. He therefore advised that everyone need not keep to nonviolence, especially if it were used as a cover for cowardice:
"Gandhi guarded against attracting to his satyagraha movement those who feared to take up arms or felt themselves incapable of resistance. 'I do believe,' he wrote, 'that where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence.'"[60]
"At every meeting I repeated the warning that unless they felt that in non-violence they had come into possession of a force infinitely superior to the one they had and in the use of which they were adept, they should have nothing to do with non-violence and resume the arms they possessed before. It must never be said of the Khudai Khidmatgars that once so brave, they had become or been made cowards under Badshah Khan's influence. Their bravery consisted not in being good marksmen but in defying death and being ever ready to bare their breasts to the bullets."[61]
Gandhi also came under some political fire for his criticism of those who attempted to achieve independence through more violent means. His refusal to protest against the hanging of Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev, Udham Singh and Rajguru were sources of condemnation among some parties.[citation needed]
Of this criticism, Gandhi stated, "There was a time when people listened to me because I showed them how to give fight to the British without arms when they had no arms...but today I am told that my non-violence can be of no avail against the [Hindu–Moslem riots] and, therefore, people should arm themselves for self-defense."[62]
Winston Churchill said that it was "nauseating" to see Gandhi, "a seditious Middle Temple lawyer, now posing as a fakir of a type well-known in the Middle East, striding half-naked up the steps of the Vice-regal palace . . . to parley on equal terms with the representative of the King-Emperor".[63]
He continued this argument in a number of articles reprinted in Homer Jack's The Gandhi Reader: A Sourcebook of His Life and Writings. In the first, "Zionism and Anti-Semitism," written in 1938, Gandhi commented upon the 1930s persecution of the Jews in Germany within the context of Satyagraha. He offered non-violence as a method of combating the difficulties Jews faced in Germany, stating,
If I were a Jew and were born in Germany and earned my livelihood there, I would claim Germany as my home even as the tallest Gentile German might, and challenge him to shoot me or cast me in the dungeon; I would refuse to be expelled or to submit to discriminating treatment. And for doing this I should not wait for the fellow Jews to join me in civil resistance, but would have confidence that in the end the rest were bound to follow my example. If one Jew or all the Jews were to accept the prescription here offered, he or they cannot be worse off than now. And suffering voluntarily undergone will bring them an inner strength and joy...the calculated violence of Hitler may even result in a general massacre of the Jews by way of his first answer to the declaration of such hostilities. But if the Jewish mind could be prepared for voluntary suffering, even the massacre I have imagined could be turned into a day of thanksgiving and joy that Jehovah had wrought deliverance of the race even at the hands of the tyrant. For to the God-fearing, death has no terror.[64]
Gandhi was highly criticized for these statements and responded in the article "Questions on the Jews" with "Friends have sent me two newspaper cuttings criticizing my appeal to the Jews. The two critics suggest that in presenting non-violence to the Jews as a remedy against the wrong done to them, I have suggested nothing new...what I have pleaded for is renunciation of violence of the heart and consequent active exercise of the force generated by the great renunciation.[65]
Gandhi's statements regarding Jews facing the impending Holocaust have attracted criticism from a number of commentators.[66] Martin Buber wrote a sharply critical open letter to Gandhi on 24 February 1939. Buber asserted that the comparison between British treatment of Indian subjects and Nazi treatment of Jews was inappropriate; moreover, he noted that when Indians were the victims of persecution, Gandhi had, on occasion, supported the use of force.[67]
Gandhi commented upon the 1930s persecution of the Jews in Germany within the context of Satyagraha. In the November 1938 article on the Nazi persecution of the Jews quoted above, he offered non-violence as a solution:
The German persecution of the Jews seems to have no parallel in history. The tyrants of old never went so mad as Hitler seems to have gone. And he is doing it with religious zeal. For he is propounding a new religion of exclusive and militant nationalism in the name of which any inhumanity becomes an act of humanity to be rewarded here and hereafter. The crime of an obviously mad but intrepid youth is being visited upon his whole race with unbelievable ferocity. If there ever could be a justifiable war in the name of and for humanity, a war against Germany, to prevent the wanton persecution of a whole race, would be completely justified. But I do not believe in any war. A discussion of the pros and cons of such a war is therefore outside my horizon or province. But if there can be no war against Germany, even for such a crime as is being committed against the Jews, surely there can be no alliance with Germany. How can there be alliance between a nation which claims to stand for justice and democracy and one which is the declared enemy of both?"[68][69]
Vegetarianism
As a young child, Gandhi experimented with meat-eating. This was due partially to his inherent curiosity as well as his rather persuasive peer and friend Sheikh Mehtab. The idea of vegetarianism is deeply ingrained in Hindu and Jain traditions in India, and, in his native land of Gujarat, most Hindus are vegetarian and so are almost all Jains.[70][71] The Gandhi family was no exception. Before leaving for his studies in London, Gandhi made a promise to his mother, Putlibai and his uncle, Becharji Swami that he would abstain from eating meat, taking alcohol, and engaging in promiscuity. He held fast to his promise and gained more than a diet: he gained a basis for his life-long philosophies. As Gandhi grew into adulthood, he became a strict vegetarian. He wrote the book The Moral Basis of Vegetarianism[72] and several articles on the subject, some of which were published in the London Vegetarian Society's publication, The Vegetarian.[73] During this period, the young Gandhi became inspired by many great minds and was befriended by the chairman of the London Vegetarian Society, Dr. Josiah Oldfield.
Having also read and admired the work of Henry Stephens Salt, the young Mohandas met and often corresponded with the vegetarian campaigner. Gandhi spent much time advocating vegetarianism during and after his time in London. To Gandhi, a vegetarian diet would not only satisfy the requirements of the body, it would also serve an economic purpose as meat was, and still is, generally more expensive than grains, vegetables, and fruits. Also, many Indians of the time struggled with low income, thus vegetarianism was seen not only as a spiritual practice but also a practical one. He abstained from eating for long periods, using fasting as a form of political protest. He refused to eat until his death or his demands were met. It was noted in his autobiography that vegetarianism was the beginning of his deep commitment to Brahmacharya; without total control of the palate, his success in Bramacharya would likely falter.
Gandhi had been a fruitarian,[74] but started taking goat's milk on the advice of his doctor. He never took dairy products obtained from cows because of his view initially that milk is not the natural diet of man, disgust for cow blowing,[75] and, specifically, because of a vow to his late mother.
Brahmacharya
When Gandhi was 16 his father became very ill. Being very devoted to his parents, he attended to his father at all times during his illness. However, one night, Gandhi's uncle came to relieve Gandhi for a while. He retired to his bedroom where carnal desires overcame him and he made love to his wife. Shortly afterward a servant came to report that Gandhi's father had just died. Gandhi felt tremendous guilt and never could forgive himself. He came to refer to this event as "double shame." The incident had significant influence in Gandhi becoming celibate at the age of 36, while still married.[76]
This decision was deeply influenced by the philosophy of Brahmacharya — spiritual and practical purity — largely associated with celibacy and asceticism. Gandhi saw Brahmacharya as a means of becoming close with God and as a primary foundation for self realization. In his autobiography he tells of his battle against lustful urges and fits of jealousy with his childhood bride, Kasturba. He felt it his personal obligation to remain celibate so that he could learn to love, rather than lust. For Gandhi, Brahmacharya meant "control of the senses in thought, word and deed."[77].
Towards the end of his life, it became public knowledge that Gandhi had been sharing his bed for a number of years with young women.[78][79] He explained that he did this for bodily warmth at night and termed his actions as "nature cure". Later in his life he started experimenting with brahmacharya in order to test his self control. His letter to Birla in April, 1945 referring to 'women or girls who have been naked with me' indicates that several women were part of his experiments.[80] He wrote five editorials in Harijan discussing the practice of brahmacharya.[81]
As part of these experiments, he initially slept with his women associates in the same room but at a distance. Afterwards he started to lie in the same bed with his women disciples and later took to sleeping naked alongside them .[82] According to Gandhi active-celibacy meant perfect self control in the presence of opposite sex. Gandhi conducted his experiments with a number of women such as Abha, the sixteen year old wife of his grandnephew Kanu Gandhi. Gandhi acknowledged "that this experiment is very dangerous indeed", but thought "that it was capable of yielding great results".[83] His nineteen year old grandniece, Manu Gandhi, too was part of his experiments. Gandhi had earlier written to her father, Jaisukhlal Gandhi, that Manu had started to share his bed so that he may "correct her sleeping posture".[83] Gandhi saw himself as a mother to these women and would refer to Abha and Manu as "my walking sticks".
Gandhi called Sarladevi, a married woman with children and a devout follower, his "spiritual wife". He later said that he had come close to having sexual relations with her.[84] He had told a correspondent in March, 1945 that "sleeping together came with my taking up of bramhacharya or even before that"; he said he had experimented with his wife "but that was not enough".[83] Gandhi felt satisfied with his experiments and wrote to Manu that "I have successfully practiced the eleven vows taken by me. This is the culmination of my striving for last thirty six years. In this yajna I got a glimpse of the ideal truth and purity for which I have been striving".
Gandhi had to take criticism for his experiments by many of his followers and opponents. His stenographer, R. P. Parasuram, resigned when he saw Gandhi sleeping naked with Manu.[85] Gandhi insisted that he never felt aroused while he slept beside her, or with Sushila or Abha. "I am sorry" Gandhi said to Parasuram, "you are at liberty to leave me today." Nirmal Kumar Bose, another close associate of Gandhi, parted company with him in April, 1947 post Gandhi's tour of Noakhali, where some sort of altercation had taken place between Gandhi and Sushila Nayar in his bedroom at midnight that caused Gandhi to slap his forehead. Bose had stated that the nature of his experiments in bramhacharya still remained unknown and unstated.[85][86]
N. K. Bose, who stayed close to Gandhi during his Noakhali tour, testified that "there was no immorality on part of Gandhi. Moreover Gandhi tried to conquer the feeling of sex by consciously endeavouring to convert himself into a mother of those who were under his case, whether men or women". Dattatreya Balkrishna Kalelkar, a revolutionary turned disciple of Gandhi, used to say that Gandhi's "relationships with women were, from beginning to end, as pure as mother's milk".[87].
Simplicity
Gandhi earnestly believed that a person involved in social service should lead a simple life which he thought could lead to Brahmacharya. His simplicity began by renouncing the western lifestyle he was leading in South Africa. He called it "reducing himself to zero," which entailed giving up unnecessary expenditure, embracing a simple lifestyle and washing his own clothes.[88] On one occasion he returned the gifts bestowed to him from the natals for his diligent service to the community.[89]
Gandhi spent one day of each week in silence. He believed that abstaining from speaking brought him inner peace. This influence was drawn from the Hindu principles of mauna (Sanskrit:मौनं — silence) and shanti (Sanskrit:शांति — peace). On such days he communicated with others by writing on paper. For three and a half years, from the age of 37, Gandhi refused to read newspapers, claiming that the tumultuous state of world affairs caused him more confusion than his own inner unrest.
After reading John Ruskin's Unto This Last, he decided to change his lifestyle and create a commune called Phoenix Settlement.
Upon returning to India from South Africa, where he had enjoyed a successful legal practice, he gave up wearing Western-style clothing, which he associated with wealth and success. He dressed to be accepted by the poorest person in India, advocating the use of homespun cloth (khadi). Gandhi and his followers adopted the practice of weaving their own clothes from thread they themselves spun, and encouraged others to do so. While Indian workers were often idle due to unemployment, they had often bought their clothing from industrial manufacturers owned by British interests. It was Gandhi's view that if Indians made their own clothes, it would deal an economic blow to the British establishment in India. Consequently, the spinning wheel was later incorporated into the flag of the Indian National Congress. He subsequently wore a dhoti for the rest of his life to express the simplicity of his life.
Faith
Gandhi was born a Hindu and practised Hinduism all his life, deriving most of his principles from Hinduism. As a common Hindu, he believed all religions to be equal, and rejected all efforts to convert him to a different faith. He was an avid theologian and read extensively about all major religions. He had the following to say about Hinduism:
"Hinduism as I know it entirely satisfies my soul, fills my whole being...When doubts haunt me, when disappointments stare me in the face, and when I see not one ray of light on the horizon, I turn to the Bhagavad Gita, and find a verse to comfort me; and I immediately begin to smile in the midst of overwhelming sorrow. My life has been full of tragedies and if they have not left any visible and indelible effect on me, I owe it to the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita."


Gandhi Smriti (The house Gandhi lodged in the last 4 months of his life has now become a monument, New Delhi)
Gandhi wrote a commentary on the Bhagavad Gita in Gujarati. The Gujarati manuscript was translated into English by Mahadev Desai, who provided an additional introduction and commentary. It was published with a Foreword by Gandhi in 1946.[90][91]
Gandhi believed that at the core of every religion was truth and love (compassion, nonviolence and the Golden Rule). He also questioned what he saw as hypocrisy, malpractices, and dogma in all religions, including his own, and he was a tireless advocate for social reform in religion. Some of his comments on various religions are:
"Thus if I could not accept Christianity either as a perfect, or the greatest religion, neither was I then convinced of Hinduism being such. Hindu defects were pressingly visible to me. If untouchability could be a part of Hinduism, it could but be a rotten part or an excrescence. I could not understand the raison d'être of a multitude of sects and castes. What was the meaning of saying that the Vedas were the inspired Word of God? If they were inspired, why not also the Bible and the Koran? As Christian friends were endeavouring to convert me, so were Muslim friends. Abdullah Seth had kept on inducing me to study Islam, and of course he had always something to say regarding its beauty." (source: his autobiography)
"As soon as we lose the moral basis, we cease to be religious. There is no such thing as religion over-riding morality. Man, for instance, cannot be untruthful, cruel or incontinent and claim to have God on his side."
"The sayings of Muhammad are a treasure of wisdom, not only for Muslims but for all of mankind."
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians."
Later in his life when he was asked whether he was a Hindu, he replied:
"Yes I am. I am also a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist and a Jew."
In spite of their deep reverence to each other, Gandhi and Rabindranath Tagore engaged in protracted debates more than once. These debates exemplify the philosophical differences between the two most famous Indians at the time. On 15 January 1934, an earthquake hit Bihar and caused extensive damage and loss of life. Gandhi maintained this was because of the sin committed by upper caste Hindus by not letting untouchables in their temples (Gandhi was committed to the cause of improving the fate of untouchables, referring to them as Harijans, people of Krishna). Tagore vehemently opposed Gandhi's stance, maintaining that an earthquake can only be caused by natural forces, not moral reasons, however repugnant the practice of untouchability may be.[92]
Swaraj
Main article: Swaraj
Gandhi was a self-described philosophical anarchist,[93][94] and his vision of India meant India without an underlying government.[95] He once said that "the ideally nonviolent state would be an ordered anarchy."[96] While political systems are largely hierarchical, with each layer of authority from the individual to the central government have increasing levels of authority over the layer below, Gandhi believed that society should be the exact opposite, where nothing is done without the consent of anyone, down to the individual. His idea was that true self-rule in a country means that every person rules his or herself and that there is no state which enforces laws upon the people.[97][98] This would be achieved over time with nonviolent conflict mediation, as power is divested from layers of hierarchical authorities, ultimately to the individual, which would come to embody the ethic of nonviolence. Rather than a system where rights are enforced by a higher authority, people are self-governed by mutual responsibilities. On returning from South Africa, when Gandhi received a letter asking for his participation in writing a world charter for human rights, he responded saying, "in my experience, it is far more important to have a charter for human duties." [99] A free India for him meant the existence of thousands of self sufficient small communities (an idea possibly from Tolstoy) who rule themselves without hindering others. It did not mean merely transferring a British established administrative structure into Indian hands which he said was just making Hindustan into Englistan.[100] He wanted to ultimately dissolve the Congress Party after independence and establish a system of direct democracy in India,[101] having no faith in the British styled parliamentary system.[100]

why am i not worth it to anyone. why do i get disapointed by everyone? why can't i be happy? happy fucking birthday

ahhh!

I am so tired of life!
i need some rest haha

dr. seuss

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-upscan happen to you.

A person's a person, no matter how small.
-- Dr. Seuss


And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.
-- Dr. Seuss


And when they played they really played. And when they worked they really worked.
-- Dr. Seuss


And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.
-- Dr. Seuss

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
-- Dr. Seuss


Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-- Dr. Seuss


From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.
-- Dr. Seuss


I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
-- Dr. Seuss


I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
-- Dr. Seuss


I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent.
-- Dr. Seuss


I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-upscan happen to you.
-- Dr. Seuss


If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good.
-- Dr. Seuss


So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.
-- Dr. Seuss


Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
-- Dr. Seuss


The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
-- Dr. Seuss


The storm starts when the drops start dropping. When the drops stop dropping, the storm starts stopping.
-- Dr. Seuss
Submitted by Mark, United States


Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!
-- Dr. Seuss


Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
-- Dr. Seuss


Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way.
-- Dr. Seuss


Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
-- Dr. Seuss


Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
-- Dr. Seuss

You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?
-- Dr. Seuss


You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.
-- Dr. Seuss


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
-- Dr. Seuss

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
-- Dr. Seuss


Young cat, if you keep your eyes open enough, oh, the stuff you would learn! The most wonderful stuff!
-- Dr. Seuss

well.

I really don't get what was so wrong with me, why i never got my chance, why i was just looked right through. fun and then heartbreak i guess i am just not worth it. whatever. i'm moving on. have fun in your petty relationships that mean nothing. i would have meant something, i know it.
I past it. I'm on to new things.

;D

it's all alright(:

i fucking hate you

I can't believe this. I am so ashamed. I really wish that I thought before I acted and now I am paying for what I did.
Today someone I didn't consider a great friend became one. She actally asked me about a rumor to see if it was true or not. And she told me that all of my friends knew and they haven't said a thing. FUCK THEM. I"m going to fucking kill him, I really hate his, with the strongest passion. I've never hated anyone. NEVER! until now. I am so hurt. I am ashamed of my self, I am mortafied. Honestly, I don't know. I hate me.

fuck school.

I hate school. Everyone it seems like decided to be ass holes to me. What the fuck ever thank you lunch friends for leaving me out of everything. It felt fucking great.
Whatever. Fuck school. Daniel is the only one who made me feel better with his wonderous hug:D

wow.

I really think that I need to change myself for the better. I just need to clean up my act. I want to make people proud of who I am. This year I will change, I will be a better me. I think I will feel better about myself. Proud of myself. Of who I am.

I am really nervous about school starting. Its not a good feeling. I don't know anyone in my first hour. And that is really scary to me. I always feel so awkward with people that I don't know. I don't feel comfortable what so ever. Argh I hate it:P. I am also afraid that I will be limping at school. And that it's going to hurt at school. Like fuck):. I just need to be positive. I will have people in my class. POSITIVE:O. No downerness as Daniel would say.

I don't know what I am going to wear to school I have to map that all out tomorrow. Gotta look good aye. Dress to impress. :D It'll make me feel good about myself I guess haha. My foot isn't feeling too fly. So it's like fuck that. I just really want to cut it off right now.

I am kinda upset right now with my sister moving out, I am really going to miss her even though she is just like moving into town. I just feel that she will forget all about us. I hardly see her as it is ): But I guess maybe I could go and stay with her. :O Now that would be bad ass. I don't know it is just crazy.

"growing old is inevitable; but growing up is optional."

holy shit

bahaha everyone is becoming lesbians:O

akljsd

I wanna go to a wedding. I wanna have a wedding. They are just so pretty and get me all choked up. :P

Kendra<-- man I love that show. I just thought I'd share. She has nice boobs haha.

FLM:O

That website just cracks me up and makes me feel way better(: Even if I am feeling great.
Life is better. I'm not worring about shit. My best friend came over and we made some cookies that didn't work but were so yummy, haha. Even though I burnt my finger D:. Damn Daniel.
School is like less that a fucking week:P. I am excited but really nervous. I don't even know why. There are 5 people it will be awkward to see:/.
Fuck haha I don't feel like blogging. FML

so

I give up. FUCK YOU. haha and your manly girlfriend:O.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
why do i still want you?

hello world.

Everything is almost in order. School is starting in like a week and four days. That is somewhat depressing. The freedom of summer is almost over. But as my good friend Daniel said, "Don't be depressed, you'll get to see me every day." And that kinda made everything okay. I'm kind of afraid I won't have any one is my classes that i actually know. That is suckish. But whatever i'll deal(:. My schedule is:
Spanish 1 with Allen
Biology with Johnson
English 10 Ap Prep with Fredley
History of World Religions with Cluffy(:

It will be a new and exciting year I hope. New friends, New boys(i hope:p), New life.

fuck you.

I'm over it.

ha ironic.

What have a gotten myself into? What is this mess of lies that are being told to me? Are they lies or are they the truth? Is she just crazy or is he just trying to get some? Fuck I don't know?

Kara call me right away if you read this. I need help sorting out a mess:s.
I lovee you.

"up and down back and forth girl you'll be my whore. you're so fucked up."

:/

Are you fucking kidding me?

topsy tervery.

I don't understand people. Like they are just so confusing. Some people are open and share how they feel with people. Some people are recluse don't tell anyone anything. And then there are the people that are a mixture of the two. I don't know what kind or person I am. I love getting things off my chest and confronting people. But on the same side I like keeping secrets. Having stuff to think of all on my own.
I know that I am changing. And I think it is mostly dew to me spending all this time with me. It feels nice knowing more of who I am and changing. I mean I used to not confront anyone and now I am straight up. And that may not be 100% wonderful but it's nice. I am glad of who I am. Nobody can change me.
People really piss me off. Judging me on what I write in my blog, saying things that aren't true and that embarrass me. Like wtf is people problems. Hurting people to be "funny" to make them selves feel better? But whatever it doesn't matter what you think of me. Say what you please. Sticks and stones may brake my bones but your words can never hurt me. SO thanks a lot for trying but you failed.
I am looking a little bit forward for school to start. I miss my friends. I miss having a life. I miss feeling like I have something to do. But on the other hand I am like shit I have to go to school. But we will see what this year brings. Hopefully a love life haha. But oh no I wouldn't want to sound obsessed :O. Ha fuck you(:
Alright.

"Love is a color only the blind can see"

(: party

last night

Was just what I needed. I am happy(:
Thank you Derek, Alexis, Sharina, Sam, Ashley and whoever else was there.
bahaha. Crazy shit(:

you know what

I'll just make a wish(:
I think I totally give up on guys. All they do is let me down. Even the guy I expected to be different. I am really getting tired of shit, so I am just stopping trying. Whatever. I am tired of being sad. I am tired of being alone. But whatever I am just a cry baby I guess. Or immature? Who knows?

Today was pretty chill. Summer is a bad ass. Too bad her mom took her home D:. I am not tired what so ever. Which is a bummer like super dooper I just want to sleep and wake up happy? Can that happen? I guess we will see. I hate being such a downer:P It sucks. I love my friends. And I still have high hopes.

"love and let live"

i lost my pen

I wanna be that skinny againD:
It really is no good. I am feeling in a much better mood tonight:D And that is very swell:D I am going to see Harry Pottah tomorrow at 3 with Summer? Then we're going to hang out at my house. haha that should be fun, and very interesting in my opinion:D We have no clokes D: haha so no dressing like Harry. bahaha.
I feel good right now. Not on drugs:O. and my foot is feeling fine. I decided I may just be giving up on the nigger. Like really you can come to me fool D: I love sleeping. I like slept in till frigging 1 today haha. It was awesome. whoo/
Daniel and I are going to have a picinic on friday:D He really is like my best friend. I love him. haha and we aren't dating:O Even though people seem to think that? haha. My foot is cold damn ice. I really wish i had like something meaningful to write D: It is lame haha. But whatever. I like writing about nothing. Bleh fuck cancer:P poor kid on south park D: haha
well I think that this pointless blog has gone on far enough.

"Music is all around you; all you have to do is listen"

fuck

decided i am crazy(:
haha this post is deleted;D

well well well

I am out of it. I miss alot of people. I really wish someone would like just show up to see me, that would make me very happy. I wish michael was my man. haha I am just a loser like that.
My foot really isn't hurting right now:P Good for pain pills but they are making me feel fucking funny haha. But its all good. I am going to church tomorrow? For the baptisum of alexis. That will be fun. I get to be out of the house. And that is good. I really wanna take a shower but I can't, I think I am just going to wash my hair in the sink that will make me feel a little bit better. The day has gone by so sloww! I think I took like 23890 naps:O haha. I think that it is funny. Don't mess witht he zohan is a effin weird ass movie. Hahaha but I can't really concentrate:O, but whatever. I really don't need to right>? THis blog is terrible but whatever:D

"head over feet:O"

only once they are gone.

you miss them the most.

I really don't get it. haha I had THE best week of the summer and this week is just fucking shitty. Like wtf, i am acting all weird and insecure? I freaking hate it. like why can't i just stay happy for more than one week? like ever since the fourth it's been a shitty ass week.
fuck
surgery in like what 2 days? i wanna go to the lake and swim with someone haha.
i want michael to ask me out ?
i want too much haha
imma fucking weird person.


"everyone makes mistakes"

ohh!

And kara hancock is my best friend. and i hung out with her on saturday!
she is my best friend so much

(:

So I have had like the best week in my entire life(:. I've just felt so happy, it is a nice change!
Monday: hung out daniel at the game, hung out with lex.
Tuesday: warped with lex and cii. and michael and lonnie(:
Wednesday: hung out with daniel then michael(:
Thursday: hung out with michael. and daniel
Friday: haha guess who. michael and daniel.
Saturday: 4Th of July. parade. bbq ha with daniel. fireworks with michael!(: then daneil stayed the night haha. weird but funny.

If you don't know daniel is my best friend. thought i would clarify that.

i donno i am happy.

haha conversation

the conversation i just over heard:

MoM: James i just washed your underwear

James: what! why mom!!!


haha they are supposedly good luck?
i don't know its funny.

warped was awesome! i got to hang out with michael:D he is amazing:D

and with will I am worried i did the wrong thing by letting him go and may regret it but. like he said when i am older he is a phone call away:P

why can't they just stay gone

I had a nice peaceful day with out the twins. They come home and be all bitchy like now i am watching the movie I just watched yet again. god i hate that i really hate my sister. but it is her fault for being a total bitch. like get laid or move out. oh wait your 13. dumb bitch.


yay parents fighting. tv remote broken. whoo hoo.

god i am in a bad mood. fuck everyone. and that means ciara too. you annoy the shit outta me. peace.

so i think that i got loooked over once again. this feeling sucks. i just hate shit. i always crush on the wrong person:P i don't know what the fuck.
fuck.
rip:P farah and michael.

okay i am not done ranting.
alright i am really pissed off today. its been shitty. like i hated it. michael blew me off and then texted later that night saying oh i am sorry. and thats all he could say wtfe. and people have been rude. i am fucking tired of it.
fuck dude. and like i dont have anyone to put as my numbeer one nobody has me as theirs? like i have no one that thinks i am their number one. that is depressing. liek real fucking depressing the person who is my best friend has one of her own so what the fuck ever haha
i am out

ha whatever.

It's really irritating to get bailed out on. Two days; Two different people.
First person: I understand they did it for the better and I'm totally cool with it and all it just sucked being home when I could have made other plans. But whatever.
Second person: This one pisses me the fuck off. Like okay lets make plans and then oh could we just go tonight. Why didn't you say that when we first made the plans or if you didn't want to go why didn't you just say so? Like I am really freaking tired of getting bailed out on by you. This isn't the first time. I don't even understand the attraction that I even have. Like every damn time I try it just never happens so fuck it. haha I'm not even trying anymore. Go find someone else to blow off:P.

people suck. end of story.

"life is what happens when you are busy making other plans"

right now.

I am very zen haha. That is the mood of the moment. Anyway i hate little bitch ass posers. Like for real shut up. Like this chick as a love is the movement back ground so outta ceriousity i ask her do you know what that means. She goes does it mean love is like in now. I must say I got a little bitchy. If you are going to put something so strong as that know what it means. errgh. It's the TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS moto. I guess you could say. That just bothers me terribly. I am not going to lie.
I miss my friends terribly. It is just shitty. Hair and I are going to make smores, whoo whoo. And Kara and I are going to hang. And Heather most definitly.:D
I loved loved loved her play; I like the character deeply haha.
Goodness. Happy fathers day (:

"The way i see it; life is one big adventure."

blah blah bla

i am bored. no one blogs. i have no life.
the end.

ps.

Oh yeah I died some on my hair pink haha, I like it(:


And i love my pictures very much:D

i've been thinking

What have I been doing with my life. Like nothing at all. I sit at home all day waiting for someone to text me. Going on the computer every 10 minutes to see if anyone commented me or anything. I tell my friends I can't hang out that day because my mom says no. I really need to start doing something. I am dumb to think that I could get a job. I have to get surgery, so I can't really walk around anywhere. Babysitting is all I can do. So i guess I start that this saturday which means I'll have to cancel my plans with Alexis. bummer. I am looking forward to my surgery, is that sick in some way? I don't know. I need to stop being so blah haha. I am even boring myself. It is terrible. I need friends, ones that don't annoy me. haha. Daniel is my best friend. And I won a bet with him so he is my slave for a day. It brought me back to when I won bets with my brother and sister. It made me laugh. haha. I don't know every one is all oh my are you two together. It's very funny to me. I just laugh and say no. I don't get why people can't just get it threw their skulls that you can be best friend with your ex or even a guy. People just annoy me with their petty questions. But who knows maybe I annoy them?
Shit haha I forgot what I was blogging about haha. Oh yeah so my dad I think is canceling fathers day because he doesn't have a dad to celebrate it with. That made me sad, my mom said oh well he is sitting on the fire place we could put him in the chair next to you. It was like not now mom. But I know that she was just trying to lighten the mood.
"Like a true natures child, we were born; born to be wild"

mine and daniels bucket list.

Britni says:

daniel

Daniel;] says:

britni

Britni says:

how are you

Daniel;] says:

well im just super :]

Britni says:

awesom.e

Daniel;] says:

yea it is how about yourself

Britni says:

awesome i just made a smore woithout chocolate

Britni says:

hahaha

Daniel;] says:

so graham crackers and a marshmellow

Britni says:

yes so good

Daniel;] says:

thats weird the chocolate is the best part

Britni says:

we didnt have any

Daniel;] says:

oh i see well that sucks but it still does sound good

Britni says:

it really was

Daniel;] says:

well thats good i got another one i wanna hang glide

Britni says:

i wanna scuba dive.

Britni says:

are you writing yours down?

Daniel;] says:

yes theres another one of course i am no im not but i will remember

Britni says:

haha well thats goood. how about plant a treee

Daniel;] says:

sure why not i wanna get attacked by a shark and ride a dolphin

Britni says:

haha thats interesting

Daniel;] says:

it would be awesome

Britni says:

yeah i think soo

Daniel;] says:

ice fishing in alaska

Britni says:

fun! skiinnnny dipping

Daniel;] says:

hahaha playing golf in scotland

Britni says:

in the ocean

Britni says:

uhm making ice cream!

Daniel;] says:

stay a night in the white house

Britni says:

hmmm. be in a movie

Daniel;] says:

go in a hot air balloon

Britni says:

be a stripper for a day

Daniel;] says:

drive across the country

Britni says:

haha jk

Britni says:

invent something

Daniel;] says:

swim the english chanel

Britni says:

get married

Daniel;] says:

visit the north pole

Britni says:

finish college

Britni says:

change someones life

Daniel;] says:

help a stranger

Britni says:

meet 100 new people in one summer

Daniel;] says:

travel the world with someone special

Britni says:

be in a dance show like ballerina

Daniel;] says:

climb mt. everest

Britni says:

do a marathon

Britni says:

for a good charity

Daniel;] says:

hmmm visit the rain forest

Britni says:

do a trapese thing!

Daniel;] says:

learn to ride a unicycle and juggle at the same tiem

Britni says:

go to the moon

Britni says:

save a life!

Daniel;] says:

meet oprah

Britni says:

haha go to the oprah

Daniel;] says:

be president for a day

Britni says:

dance in the rain in the middle of the street.

Daniel;] says:

have a day with your whole family no holiday just a normal day

Britni says:

my family? haha

Daniel;] says:

no as in your own family

Britni says:

oh ha i was like cool. anyway. go to india

Daniel;] says:

live to be 10

Daniel;] says:

100*

Britni says:

bellydance.

Daniel;] says:

visit children in a hospital

Britni says:

learn a forgien language

Britni says:

like a stange one.

Daniel;] says:

visit the 7 natural wonders of the world

Britni says:

to love and be loved.

Daniel;] says:

be married for over 50 years

Britni says:

be a really good mom

Daniel;] says:

be a great dad

Britni says:

be happpy

Daniel;] says:

witness something magical

Britni says:

fly

Daniel;] says:

get in a pursuit chase

Britni says:

do haor for a livinmg

Britni says:

hair*

Daniel;] says:

coach a little league team

Britni says:

be pregnantt

Daniel;] says:

wow haha write a love song

Britni says:

go to a club

Daniel;] says:

live without jealousy

Britni says:

good luck haha. uhm paint a picture

Daniel;] says:

learn martial arts

Britni says:

i was just going to say that

Britni says:

be known for something

Daniel;] says:

punch a celebrity in the face

Britni says:

be knockedd off my feet

Daniel;] says:

ride an elephant

Britni says:

be on a game show

Daniel;] says:

catch a homerun ball

Britni says:

travel africa

Daniel;] says:

live your dreams

Britni says:

be in a play

Daniel;] says:

be an anchorman

Britni says:

get a tatoo

Daniel;] says:

meet the pope

Britni says:

belive in something big.

Daniel;] says:

set a world record

Britni says:

make someone happy

Daniel;] says:

design a dream home

Britni says:

paint my room

Daniel;] says:

paint my fridge

Britni says:

peircings

Daniel;] says:

kiss katy perry

Britni says:

interesting. haha. be a groupie

Daniel;] says:

be in a commercial

Britni says:

wear a ball gown

Daniel;] says:

design a suit

Britni says:

be a muse

Daniel;] says:

have my own clothing line

Britni says:

make a perfume

Daniel;] says:

own a motorcycle

Britni says:

be the only one to know a secret

Daniel;] says:

well thats impossible, play lebron james 1 on 1

Britni says:

well second person to know. hahaha. be in a runway show

Daniel;] says:

watch a red sox, yankees brawl in person

Britni says:

box

Daniel;] says:

bunjee jump

Britni says:

street prefrom

Daniel;] says:

ride in a limo

Britni says:

play guitar

Daniel;] says:

walk on the red carpet

Britni says:

;Ome too. interveiw

Britni says:

someone

Daniel;] says:

live a clean life

Britni says:

what do you mean by that

Daniel;] says:

as in no drugs, no alchohol all that bad stuff

Britni says:

oh i seee. uhm build a swing set.

Daniel;] says:

jump out of a moving vehichle

Britni says:

adopt a kid

Daniel;] says:

ride in a party bus

Britni says:

go across county in a busss

Daniel;] says:

ride in a hovercraft

Britni says:

live care freee

Daniel;] says:

pilot a helecopter

Britni says:

slumber party haha

Daniel;] says:

retire by age 35

Britni says:

stop itching!!!

Daniel;] says:

lol live in a tree house

Britni says:

can i join you on that one! haha have a good dog

Daniel;] says:

live life with no regrets and do everything on this bucket list

Britni says:

i agreee! haha

Daniel;] says:

its a pretty good bucket list

Britni says:

very in depth

Daniel;] says:

i know right

Britni says:

we need to remember all of them!

Daniel;] says:

i know i think im going to save this conversation

Britni says:

email it to meee!(:

Daniel;] says:

alright i will lol

Britni says:

awesomeeee

Britni says:

i am cold!

Daniel;] says:

how are you cold

Britni says:

my house is freezimg

Daniel;] says:

im really hot

Britni says:

mhm haha lucky

Daniel;] says:

no cause its really hot lol

Britni says:

thats my favorite

Daniel;] says:

not mine

Britni says:

why

Daniel;] says:

cause when its hot you like get uncomfortable and all that but when your cold you know whatever your just cold

Britni says:

that is true

Daniel;] says:

see

Britni says:

i just need to go to my bed lol

Daniel says:

Set free a lobster

I really love daniel he is a best friend who has never left me.