its magic

I know magic is real. I feel it inside of me. It makes me happy. Haha(: Its always nice to have something to believe in. I believe in people; but i always get let down with that one, so why try anymore. ha.
I got a new pair of shorts today. But then I got a let down with the news that we all of a sudden can't afford to have fun, aka. Knots Berry Farm. That is a major bummer. But whatever. Beach is still fine with me.(: I am overly full right now, I had too much to eat. I need to stop eating as much as I do. It's terrible. That's my plan for when I get home. But we all know that never happens. Well anyway I am tired, and I want sleep but that isn't going to happen. But I really have nothing to blog about so why keep doing it?

this is just crap

Fuck. Of coarse my mom had to get here and mess up all the fun. Right away she has to bitch me out about something. And now that she is here I won't be driving anywhere. Isn't that just wonderful? She just thinks I am horrible at everything. God I am tired of her shit and she just got here. It's just awesome. And all she is doing is going around and crying about everything. And she just acts like she knows everything. It is fucking annoying. She needs to just stop. My Dad and I called this; we knew she was going to get here and start bitch. And look what she did. My fkking god. I am pissed, I have been happy and not fighting with anyone. Everything has been so care free. But not anymmore. It's bitch time. And she thinks that just because she is in the other room, she thinks that I can't hear her.
Sorry I needed to vent the end disregard this.
Any way I need to decide on something; I have three choices and I just don't know. Bleh. I am tired of thinking.

"Why don't we get behind a rock; and get a little bolder"

like angles on the moon

Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I can't stand the sound.

Okay, so today was kinda killer. In a good way. It was relaxing. We went to Glendora to see my Dad's old stomping grounds, and that was really cool. Very personal, he showed me his old schools, house, businesses, etc. Then we went to this house of his old friend and it was freaky. His 15 and 1/2 year old daughter is named brittany, she has boobs like mine, and we act the same. The friend had twins almost 13 like my brother just younger and they were both boys. But kinda like my brother and sister 100% different from each other. Just freaking weird. So Brittany and I exchange numbers. I just think that is all cool.
Another cool little fact about my Dad is he knows the inventor of In and Out. His old auto shop was next the the original In and Out and him and the owner would get drunk at the shop. I don't know i just find that really cool. very interesting, very fun. I wish I was born in Glendora, Ca. It really is beautiful. And just so enriched in culture. I don't know. But then it was really depressing; we are driving and pass by a grave yard and my Dad goes' "And that is where a lot of my friends are; my class had the highest suicide rate, my best friend; who looked like my twin; shot himself at 15."
That was really sad he knows so many people that he grew up with that are resting there. And he tells me to bury him there, next to all of his friends. I don't know that was just kinda like a tear jerker to me. And then he tells me all the places he smoked dope haha.
Then we went to the Angles vs. Mariners game. Angles lostt; But we sat by one of the kindest person I've met. He asked me how I was doing; cause my Dad told him about Grandpa; seeing if i was okay. I don't it was like one of those little acts of kindness that just make you smile from ear to ear. Then there was an amazing fire work show. Even better than the 4th in show low, But that is not saying much.
SO today was great. And the rest of the family will be here tomorrow:P. I don't want them to come, I want to go home. But we're going to the beach and Knots so I can't complain. I just miss people I guess.


"Not all who wander are lost"

welll..

it ended, he is gone. I woke up this morning to my dad crying saying he stopped breathing he is gone. I couldn't go in there to say goodbye. what is the point it was just his left over shell? So i said goodbye to the spirit. Rest in peace grandpa. I love you and always will. You impacted my more than anyone ever can. I am glad that your soul is with Grandma and Little Alfred. I love you all, see you when my time ends.
And I am okay, is it wrong to feel okay? I don't know it was what he wanted. He was hurting, and missing Grandma. He asked to go begged pleaded you could say. So it is for the better.
March 8, 1923- May 28, 2009

"life is a bitch; because if it was a slut it would be easy"

i find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad.

I think it is crazy how people walk in and out of life, like it blows my mind. Alexis has been my best friend and now I hardly talk to her. It really depresses me. Or people say how they are my best friend and then don't even make an attempt to be friends, I find it crazy. It's like they don't like the person I am, like "drama kid" or not smoking weeed or whatever. It really irritates me how that happens. I really am the same person that I have always been. Bleh I really need some eye liner still. I don't know.
I guess i feel more confident with it on? Is that terrible. I don't care, I care about looks, I care about what people think of me, and i am punished by it everyday. Lame lame.
Today was good but terrible at the same time. I had a lot of fun with my sisters, I just got so frustrated in finding a bathing suit. It is so hard when you have big boobs, nothing cute comes in your size so you have to settle, and even then i don't have the body to pull it off so i feel like a jack ass coming out of the dressing room to where people can see my chunky white body. I even think i got laughed at once, so that led to a breakdown, which I got made fun of for, yeah but i still had a lot of laughs and i found one that i kinda liked and it was 10 bucks so i bought it. And I got two really cute shirts, and a wallet all on my dad's dime so that made it better. Dinner sucked though haha, so mine was free? I don't know.
But back to the subject of people just coming in and out of my life. like someone is there for you then the next minute they are stabbing you in the back? But i guess that just makes room for even better people to enter! I don't know.
I just miss home and it is making me feel empty, I miss my mommy a lot. And friend and more than friend friends, which I still need to talk to Kara about, but she is busy at Tierra's so I just will talk to her some other time. But soon I hope, I didn't get to tell her about my fun night at the lake. Haha speaking of lakes, I thought about driving into one today, NOT like in the kill myself way, in the way of I wonder what would the fish think. haha. I don't know, I get bored driving then I almost run into things because I am thinking of fish.
My grandpa keeps asking to go to my grandma and he is in a lot of pain so is it wrong to want him to go? Like he wants to go, what is there left in life for him, to lay in a bed being in pain and helpless? That isn't life that is torture. And all these people are like I am sorry, there is nothing to be sorry about it is life, for the better. He led a good life, impacted many people, and well watched a lot of porn.
haha that reminds me. Eric V thinks my sister is a porn star. baha. See we have some good fun as a family.
Friggin i miss em. being all sweet and stuff.
I love playing mario party, that shit keeps me busy, Imma put it back on later and play alllll night.

"that the dreams i'm reallly dying are the best I've ever had"

california

Is getting old

alright

SO i am at the airport. And my flight is delayed. Lame. haha.
I have to wait till 430 to leave. whoopy.
My aunt is with us and man is she friggin crazy!!! I don't know how I am going to stand her. I think I may make the best of it.
I am going to be gone for like 2 weeks or something, and that is a long time! I am going to miss everyone but atleast i have connection to like outside world.! I need to get my i pod out of my bag. haha, but i am kinda too lazy. Bleh. I am not excited. Haha i love my daddy. I really do. and last night was hella confusing


and i am going to die. fuck fuck.



bahaha.


"life is wonderful that your in the world"