family memories.

I really miss my grandma and being so small. I just love my family and everything about it. Chirstmas will never be the same again i have to say. But all the same i love the family I have left(:

yeah?

Yeah so today just sucked a big one. Why does everyone have to bitch at eachother. I mean come on is it so hard to get along? Please for the sake of my sanity be nice.
Oh and have to find a new foot doctor oh joy, i will have fun being in pain:D not! stupid insurance... hopefully no running in pe. that'd be great
And i am pretty much done going for that boy. He is dumb, and super immature. So i am over it end of story(:
now this is a good thing.
I am glad today is over i hope tomorrow isn't as shitty!
Glass half full(:

-peace

when you wish upon a star

Today was fun(: I just feel happier lately. Although everyone is breaking up and that is just sad): Good thing i have nobody to break up with me. NOT. haha. I've been thinking all today that i need to just breathe take a break from all the thinking. It really does work. I feel so relieved!
Anyways. Rehearsal today should be filled with sparks i just have a feeling:P I just finished Breaking Dawn again so now i have nothing new to read. Bummer, i think i am going to read the BFG though that always brings me good memories. I miss being just a small child believing in all the imaginary thing in the world.
I love the fairy tales, i still believe in my prince charming, but i just want that innocence that there was. Where you knew of nothing that was bad. My favorite fairy tale was Sleeping Beauty. I still love all of the princess stories though. They just are a simpler time, you know? I remember when i was always tired in the morning my mom would say it was because the witches took me out on a ride on their broom sticks, and i always believed it. I used to wish to be tired in the morning so i would know i was one of those special kids. Now, when i wake up tired i am just pissy and are like ugh i don't what to get up. I need more sleep! ha I don't know i guess i still dream of being a princess living in the castle(:

-peace

well now,

Today shall be mighty fun(: Ciara and Richard are coming over and we're going to tye dye! Then we are going to Cirara's house and going to watch some movies, and then if we decide to we all might go to Morp. It shall be very exciting. I feel much better since last night. I just needed to vent i guess. I slept in today so i am all rested(:

-peace

today.

Today was a good day for the most part. Classes were pretty boring, i had so much energy all day it was insane. The pep assembly i thought was bad ass. The strobe and all that was crazy. Cheyenne was hilarious too, her poor knee. I got a whole bunch of glow and the dark necklaces. :D After school i went to Tea's house and had a Ramen party. That was yummy we had our Mater party hats(: Rehersal was lame, i feel like such an outcast there it is not even funny. Everyone has their own little niche and i am just like oh okay i'll just sit here. But it is getting better, ha i got sat on): And man after that i went with Shelly and Austin off roading, oh my god that was so scary. We went and got juice though! It was so yummy man! And now i am home, sitting alone, because the twins were able to go to their friends house, but can I no. Why? Because i didn't clean my room a week ago:P. I just hate the double standards that happen in this house. I just hate how i am always the one that has to stay home while everyone is out having fun. Ha I am just ranting. Well i am going to enjoy my night of freaking nothing.

Also i am tired of being single and hanging out with all of my friends that are in relationships, it just is like oh my god why can't i have something like that for once? I mean i feel like i am always just the tag along, like even if they are like lets all hang. I don't know i just want that boy. I need it...
GOD i fucking don't get why i am treating like shit. I do everything the tell me to do but does that make them any different. Its not like i ask for much. They make me feel like i am in total hell. I hate my life because of them. They treat me like i am a peice of fucking dirt. If they ask for resect maybe they should dish some out in retern. My room is clean, I have great grades, I do my dishes, I do whatever the fuck they ask me to do. And when i ask something from them all i get is no i don't like your attitude if you keep this up you will not have any type of life at all. And if you keep this up you will have nothing to ever do and be in totall missery. NEWSFLASH: I am already fucking there, but you know i can't be depressed I am just over dramatic. Well no, i hate life here, all i want to do is leave, I don't care if i have to move in with my fucking grandparents I can't do this anymore. They put me in so much pain, i don't have anymore tears to spare but they keep coming down. And it isn't like i did anything wrong, right when i walk in the door it was "you can't go anywhere i don't think that your room is clean. Mom i cleaned it last night. Wll i told you to clean it last week you only clean it when you want to go somewhere. No i did't even ask to go somewhere. Well good cause you aren't. But why my room is 100% clean. Well you should have done it earlier. Yeah that is what i fucking come home to. I can't deal with this every god damn day. I am sick of it, and i don't even deserve it. I don't understand why they think that i am such a horrible daughter. I don't even do anything fucking wrong. I just want to leave. I'd rather live in hell than here.
I see how all of my friends parents treat them, and i wonder why can't i have that? What did i do that i was stuck being unhappy. I am leaving here as soon as i can. I want to leave right now but that isn't possible. They wonder why i never want to be home or anything? I hate it here. Everyone says how i have it so easy. But no i really don't i woud just like parents that cared for once.... I just feel so unwated everywhere i go..
FUCK IT

-peace

yoga(:

It was so nice. I love my sister she is just an amazing teacher. She got me to relax, and i really needed that. I feel in such an amazing mood. Her voice is just so soothing and we worked the spin and all of that, and like wow it just was like a stress reliever. And like i love child's pose it makes me feel good. I want to start doing Yoga way more and go to much more of her classes. She said like a super amazing quote,
"Be a cup, the universe flows through a cup. Be an arrow and the universe shy's away, so be a cup."
I just feel that everything is going to be okay, man what something can do for you.
-peace

stab at the dark

I am really just taking a stab at all of this. I really don't know what is going on with me right now, everything is so crazy in my life and sometimes it just gets so overwhelming. I am a freshie at show low high school, and well that is pretty good. It is high school, and full of stupid drama. My classes are pretty easy, all but Dr. Sunberg:P. But so far i am passing all of my classes. I have no boyfriend but i must admit that my heart is pretty much taken. I have a hard time with that too, i just can't ever find a good one. I wouldn't say i am a normal teenager, i think differently than most and i come up with some crazy things. haha. My family is the biggest thing in my life. My mom is the greatest, we do fight but it only makes me respect her more. My dad isn't my favorite person, but he still is part of me. I have 5 brothers and sisters, 2 brothers 3 sisters. My older sisters are the ones i get along with the most and they have always been who i looked up too. I am the different one in the family, i don't hunt, i don't like meat, i give a crap about what is happening, and all they do is give me crap about it but i think that is is worth it. That is about the basic about me.(:
peace baby